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14th-Oct-2009 07:39 am - day 2.... my ramblings
jessica tovey

On day 2 of my juice fast, iv never done one before so im a little anxious to see how effective it is compared to a water fast..

i dont have a set plan yet just testing the waters before i make my decisions..  

im so used to water fasting that i feel like a pig being on a juice fast, like im not strong enough to tough it out like i usually would..

i dont understand why i cant water fast anymore iv done it for years and i was fine but now after 3 days i collapse and vomit strange fluids..  

maybe after this ill be able to try again.. 

why cant i just toughen up, work through the pain and succeed like i used to..        

well u know what? i will ! after this i will go back to water fasting and no matter how sick it makes me ill keep going...

because its what i do.. i just have to.. i cant explain why but i feel like i have no choice.. 

my mind wont let me consider the idea of restricting... and it took alot of time to convince myself to juice fast..  and eating normally is never ever going to happen...

ok so after this juice fast i will water fast and get back on track.. 

sorry about this, its just me rambling... trying to pep myself up.. 
8th-Oct-2008 01:38 pm(no subject)
jessica tovey
Sorry if the cut didnt work.
kinda gross but i need advice..Collapse )

19th-Sep-2008 01:47 pm(no subject)
jessica tovey
Age: 19
HT:  5'8
GW: 45kg
LW: 41kg
HW: 61kg
CW: I havn't weighed myself cos im on a fast but i think its around 50kg
How do you feel about your weight?:
i feel it controlls everything.. my mood my life my relationships!
Why do you want to lose?:     Because i want my life to not be so shit!                         
Why do you fear gaining?:
cos everyone around me, treats me like shit if i gain...
Were you abused as a child?:   yes 
Molested?: yes
Raped?: yes
Do you feel neglected?: i jus kno ppl cudnt guv a shit my family my friends etc
What do you want most out of life?: to be happy, and not hav this disease control me
What do you wish you had more than anything?: i wish i felt loved, i wish i was loved and cared for by the ppl around me, theyv seen me emaciated and they did give a rats ass!

This or That?

black or white: white, looks better on my skin
night or day: twilight
earth or air: earth
fire or water: fire
light or dark: dark
happy or sad: happy
love or lust: love
silver or gold: gold
hot or cold: hawt
perfection or happiness?: happiness
life or death: life


Season: summer
Drink: diet coke or juice altho i hav 2 stick 2 water :(
Feeling: close to someone
Emotion: excited
Day of the week: saturday
Month: January

More About Ana

Is Ana your friend? Or is Mia? Or both of them?: i hate them both ana has taken over my body and mia fucked me up in general!
How many calories do you consume a day?: i try 2 stick 2 none, im either fasting or........ binging..  i dnt hav the control to restrict
How often do you feel faint?: everyday
How often do you black out?: every few weeks
Do you even care about yourself anymore?: yea i do, but i dnt really care about my health jus my happiness
Why are you doing this?:i have to
What do you want this to accomplish?: i want to be the one who doesnt die from this!  
What if it doesn't work?: then ill die, i have to keep trying untill the end
Are you willing to risk your life?:  yes
Do you think you have a problem?: yes
Do others know about it?:  yes to an extent but its fair obvious if ur a close enuf friend who cares, most of em dnt tho
Are you guilty at all about it?: i feel bad tht iv got 2 the point where lying is normal for me, i dnt even see when im doing it!
What do you regret?: letting ana take myself over
How long can you go without eating?: 30 days is the longest iv been
How long have you been doing this?: 6 years
How long do you plan on doing it?: till im pregnant and then ill start over.
Does anything else matter?: of course im doing this for everyone, sounds weird but yea
Are you suicidal?: only when things get 2 much 2 bare  and i dnt mean if i gain 2 kilos i mean when EVERYTHING get 2 rock bottom
Do you care?:  i always care
Are you lonely?: yeah.
Are you trapped?: omg yes
1st-Aug-2008 03:22 am - updated stats..
jessica tovey
height ..  i was  5'8 but i must b still growing bcos im 5'9 !! ( giant woman) lol

pw: 52kg
cw: 48kg     reached goal..  shud b happy ey..
gw: 45kg
gw2: i will not stop till im happy
7th-Feb-2008 01:55 am - my details..
jessica tovey
Name: Anna
Age: 19
Eating Disorder: Anorexia nervosa
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: diagnosed
Time period of ED: 6 or so years
Height: 5'8
Cw: 56 kg
Gw: 48kg
Gw2: 45kg    

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